Difficult conversation

I apparently missed an appointment with my former general practitioner yesterday. Their practice has an automated system that calls two days before your appt. and I didn't get the call . I don't really remember making the appointment as I was having trouble walking that day with the shakes and trouble breathing. Not that he would have known, he didn't take the time to watch, even when his nurse relayed what she saw. This is the doctor that pushed me to take Zoloft when I am truly not depressed, and rolled his eyes when I told him that the hospitalogist and endocrinologist wanted to send me to Mayo or something to figure out what this was. He truly felt it was just a physical manifestation of stress and that taking Zoloft should fix it. I also kept telling him at each appt. that I absolutely feel something in my lower throat/chest area, that I've been coughing like there is something irritating my throat, and that my voice gets hoarse and changes on the days that I really feel that 'thing'. Once again, he said it was just a physical manifestation of stress and said that while he was positive I THOUGHT I felt something, there wasn't actually anything there. Note that I am going to my thyroid bibopsy tomorrow for two thyroid nodules. Sigh.

I had decided that when we figure this out, I was going to send a very professional letter to let the doctor know what was going on with me so he could use that information in case he gets another case like mine. I wanted to use it as an opportunity to learn for the whole series of doctors who missed this, and not in a mean or petty way, but to truly try to help someone else who goes into their offices after me.

Well, his office called and wanted to know if I wanted to reschedule. Pressure! So I decided in a split second to be frank and tell the truth. I told the lady that while I was still with the overall practice, I was switching to the main office where they truly believe that there is something going on and that I am having a thyroid biopsy in the morning due to an elevated calcitonin level, a marker for medullary thyroid cancer. That I just didn't trust him because he thinks this is all due to stress, when obviously, there is something else going on. She thanked me for letting her know, and said she would pass that along to the doctor.

I feel better having him know I am leaving, but I don't know that he will actually 'get' it. I will still probably send out letters when I am done anyway or ask my awesome PA if the practice routinely shares information about things like this so that the neurologist and my former doc will know to look harder next time instead of patting their women patients on the head and wanting to give them a pill or drug screen.

Right now I am trying to distract myself from the bibopsy coming up tomorrow. I am VERY tired again today and just don't want to go there.

I want to thank everyone for the cards and emails full of prayers and things that make me laugh! Until next time...